Hum Hallelujah
by Bookworm Till The End
Summary: Story for the Babes.  Warning for the Cupcakes, you probably will not like this story AT ALL.  Songfic to Hum Hallelujah by Fall Out Boy.  Don't want to give too much away so just R&R pretty please.


**Disclaimer- I own nothing. If i did, you wouldn't be reading this story and I wouldn't be here typing.**_

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_It's all a game of this or that, now versus then_

_better off against worse for wear_

_And you're someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew_

_And I just want to be a part of this_

I'm so tired of just being pleasure to him when ever he needs it. That's all we have!! A love for sex and need for release!! So why am I still with him you might ask? Beats the hell out of me. If I knew the answer to that question, I would be considered one of the greatest minds of the 21st century.

He can go to hell. I'm not just a flippin' rag doll! I have feelings and a brain. I can see it when I roll my eyes at him some times.

I think that I love him. I just can't say it, and thought of marrying him, EVER, makes me sick to my stomach. So, maybe, I'm just an idiot. Yeah, probably.

A big, dumb fool.

_The road outside my house is paved with good intentions_

_Hired a construction crew, 'cause it's hell on the engine_

_And you are the dreamer and we are the dream._

_I could write it better than you ever felt it._

It's not like I go to his house all the time just for sex. I mean, come on, I'm just not that dumb. No, I just never get any and he knows exactly how to make me want it. DAMN HIM!

I'm on my way over to his house right now to go tell him what I think.

Or at least, that's the plan.

_So hum hallelujah,_

_Just off the key of reason_

_I thought I loved you_

_It was just how you looked in the light._

_A teenage vow in a parking lot_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_I sing the blues and swallow them too_

When I was 16 and he took my innocence behind the éclair case at the Tasty Pastry, I thought he loved me. Now, I know better, and I feel really stupid for not knowing it then.

When he got up and left without a glance behind him, I was heartbroken, but hopeful all the same, and even more heartbroken when I figured out the my hope was in vain.

Now, I feel like the dumb teenager again, thinking about how he always told me he loved me, but how he never wanted me around, except for sex.

I remember the apologies for his past actions, the promises that he loves me and all that other bullshit. And I feel stupid.

Really stupid.

_My words are my faith to hell with our good name._

_A remix of your guts-your insides X-rayed_

_And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster_

_we're a bull, your ears are just a china shop_

I guess that I always wished that I was wrong and that he loved me, despite my doubts. I was so hopeful, that I actually believed myself. I suppose that, in the end, my denial gets me nowhere, it just delays that knowledge.

As I pull up to the front of the house, I know that I will never walk into it again hopeful of our relationship being anything like it has been. I knew in my heart that all I wanted was a friendship, but in my head, I was afraid to give up my one certainty in my life.

Shit.

_I love you in the same way, there's a chapel in a hospital_

_One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door_

_Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills._

_I could write it better than you ever felt it._

My logic didn't seem to make sense to him.

"Cupcake, I love you! Don't you get it?! I love you! Always have always will, you know that!"

"No, Joe, I THOUGHT I KNEW that! But I was wrong. All you needed me for was a temporary release for you! A one night stand that would happen over and over at random times. You SAY you love me, Joe, but you don't mean it. You never have. You're afraid to let go of a constant, but, NEWS FLASH, so am I. But living like this is breaking my heart and I'm done!"

We had been screaming at one another, dealing with our fear and shock in the only way we knew how.

Anger.

_So hum hallelujah,_

_Just off the key of reason_

_I thought I loved you_

_It was just how you looked in the light._

_A teenage vow in a parking lot_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_I sing the blues and swallow them too_

My tears were blurring my vision, and I knew that driving right now was probably not very smart. But I couldn't stop, if I did, I would break down, and I refused to break down.

I hadn't gone their to have a screaming match with him, but he yelled and then I yelled. Somehow, I left him in a rage, a broken plate near the wall by him, thrown and broken.

I just realized that the windows were open in an attempt to cool down the house.

I started crying harder, knowing that my mother probably had heard from a million different people by now about my latest screw up.

Damn.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelu..._

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelu..._

_(Hum hallelujah (Hum hallelujah), hum hallelujah (Hum hallelujah))_

I was startled by my phone ringing shrilly in my purse on the passenger seat beside me. I pulled it out and looked at the reading, deciding that he could wait. I didn't want him to hear me cry.

Moments later, the sound of a text message being received rang through the car. I decided to answer to that.

"Babe, call me," it said.

He had heard. I pulled over and went to dial him, when I noticed his black Porsche roll up beside me. Damn ESP.

Before I had a moment to close my mouth, my door was opened and I was wrapped in huge muscled arms and sobbing into his chest, scared to let go.

A while later, when my sobs had calmed to hiccups and some silent stray tears, I told him the story.

_A teenage vow in a parking lot_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_I sing the blues and swallow them too_

Ranger held me all night and let me stay with him to help me deal with being upset. The truth is, I wasn't really upset about mine and Joe's sexual relationship being over. Actually, I was thrilled with the thought of not feeling guilty whenever I kissed Ranger, or anybody else for that matter. I was scared, and very hurt.

I didn't want to end our friendship for anything, I just didn't want sex to be included in the deal. I know that we will probably will be okay in the end, but still, I couldn't help but worry.

But for now, I have Ranger. I know that he will be there for me, whether it's in a relationship that includes love or just friendship. I'm past being upset over Joe and I'm ready to take the future head on.

What happens will happen, and I'll meet it head on when it does.

_So hum hallelujah,_

_Just off the key of reason_

_I thought I loved you_

_It was just how you looked in the light._

_A teenage vow in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_Love in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_A teenage vow in a parking lot_

_"Till tonight do us part"_

_I sing the blues and swallow them too_

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_**Reviews!! Pretty please!! Even flames are okay as long as you tell me WHY you hate it!!**

**The narrator was Steph for anyone who didn't already know that. **

**I know that I had lots of tense changes, but I'm too lazy to go back and change them. I'm sorry for any convenience to you.**


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